Emptiness Between My Ears

Cell group sermon: 24 June 2011

2011-06-24T06:28:00.000-07:00

God is a God of breakthroughs

[2 Sam 5:20]
Baal Parazim:Masters of Breakthroughs

[Ps 104:20&30]
God uses what we already have for our breakthrough.

Ask always what we have with us.

[Exo 4:1-20]

What is so significant about the Rod!! It's Moses ONLY possession. Or at least it's what he has. So God uses it lah! God don't suddenly drop a giant sword infront of u to slay the devil. Nor a million dollars to start ur business. He uses what you have. =)

You'll be surprise how much of God's anointing can be in a rod....

The anointing is God's supernatural power in the realm of the natural. It's unexplainable by basic normal mundane science.

[Gen 2:7]

Even the creation of Man was from the dust that was readily available.

3 negative Christian Mindset.

1) What I have is insignificant!

-Samson killed a thousand men with a freaking jawbone of a DONKEY!!!!!

2) What I have is not enough.

What little you have. If you obey the Lord to give. He'll multiply.

3) What I have I can't give up.

Hannah had problems giving her son, Samuel, away. But when you let go. God will multiply and do great things with it.

End of the day, it's what we know of God. And whether we know what is God's will.

When you know it, hold on tight to it. He will shin with you, through you, for you, for Him.... =)

When you're working super hard, are you complaining. Do you dare make the tough choices. God knows that we may complain but he'd rather let you complain now and mold you. Then let you have your way but wallow in despair and mediocracy.

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Knowing the Will of God by Jourdan Kamal

2011-06-17T06:33:00.000-07:00

Knowing the Will of God!

[Eph 5:17] - states that we are definitely capable of understanding/knowing the will of God.

There are 2 types of God's will:

1) General
2) Specific

General: for all Christians. Like to be Christ-like and to follow his teachings.

[Rom 12:1-2]

Dedicate our lives in pursuit to be like Him. To fulfill His great mission.

2) Specific Will

Four areas we need to understand.

a) Knowledge of God's will is possible.

[Col 1:9]

b) Knowledge of God's will is provisional

[Jn 7:17]
God only reveals His will those who WANTS/DESIRE to know His will. Not to seek His Confirmation.

c) Knowledge of God's will is progressive.

[Ps 119:105]

The light in darkness only reveals the next part of the journey not the entire way to the destination.

d) Knowledge of God's will is personal

[Prov 3:5-6]

God's calling is different between individuals

How do we know God's will for us?

a) Through Prayer

[Isa 30:21]
once we pray God will remind us of His will from behind.

[Jer 33:3]

b) With a renewed mind

One should hv clear thinking and common sense

[Rom 12:1-2]

God expects us to hv a renewed mind.

We would still hv our own will even when God has spoken to us.

It is still impt to hv an anointed common sense.

Some questions to ask when choosing ministry.

1) do they really need helpers?
2) am I gifted in this area?
3) will i really enjoy being in this ministry?

c) Through the word of God

We need to study His word in order to understand them.

It's our responsibility to understand and read His word.

d) Through wise council

God can guide u through different people and things.

[Acts 13:1-3]

[Acts 11:25]

Some times we may need to seek the counsel of those that are of spiritual maturity and wisdom. God can guide and direct u through them.

But end of the day it is still ur choice and responsibility.

e) Having peace in ur heart.

[Col 3:15]

Let God's peace guide u.

The Holy Spirit will guide u. As u visualize abt the materialization of the vision will u feel peace?

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back home

2011-06-05T00:34:00.000-07:00

i'm back at my fave place in the whole wide world...... JJ Starbucks!!!!!! woohoo...

okie jsut finished a smoke and i'm all high and hazy..... first time in a long long time... did my body actually detox that quickly or the the sleep deprivation caused me to be that susceptible to the effects of tobacco and nicotine??

Well nonetheless, here are some recent updates to my life...

i'm going back to church despite the irregularity.... lol

and i'm finally gonna graduate!!! woohoo..

plus i've finally made up my mind to get my stinky ass outta the organisation..

yes i'm shedding my greens for the old shirt and tie... but its gonna be scary and i gotta be prepared..

going off to aussie in Oct.. have a bad feelign for the prep dunno why. hopefully all will be well.. the lack of information and the lack of preparedness leaves me pretty defenseless... but hell with it. i'm leaving so who cares!!! woohoo..

FTW!!!!! (f**k the world!)

but still i think i'll miss the big old little utopia inside. whahahaha

where else can i knock off as and when i want. ruin the lives of dozens of youngsters and get paid still? wahaha and talk abt the unlimited number of off days and leaves!!! wahahahahhaahhahahaha

i'm gonna miss it.

on the darker note. i've finally come to terms with the darker side of me.

once you dump the need to trust others and depend on yourself solely, things gets easier. its easier to swallow the discouragement and the disappointments. its morbid. hey but i've never been the hippie happy sort have i?? lol

well this is me, who i am and what i do. i love me, my life and all there is to it.

Lord, i still love you. but i think i dun love you enuff.... what should i do.

or rather what do i want?

Life's biggest questions revolve around answering that simple statement. lol

Lord i still love you. i really do.

freakmonk peace out....

(and yes i'm still high and hazy and i'm gonn ago for a smoke soon again.. wahahha)

hi there again

2011-05-22T03:21:00.000-07:00

hi there god,

its me again.. okie this is getting creepy.. like i've stated once my blog is not God. neither is it a representation of the great Al'Mighty. But nonetheless, this is where i best express myself. And since God is omnipresent, he should be able to read this right? =]

okie i've no idea who i'm clarifying this to. But hell its been proven to be better when we voice things out isnt it? lol

Okie i've digressed. This is bad, i'm at the same cross roads again. So my dear Lord, what do you want me to do? Please show me a sign. If its your will for me to stay i will, if there's greener pastures for me then let me go Lord. I'm leaving my life in your hands. I wil lfast for 3 days starting Tuesday-Thursday for an answer Lord. Either way, either decision you lead me towards to I shall not regret. But Lord I pray for a clear an unambiguous sign.

When I'm faithless, you've been faithful. Please be with me today, tomorrow and forevermore Father.

--------------------------------------

Now besides the prayer request, Lord here's an update for my life. As usual, I'm procrastinating alot of stuff, there's work piling up every day and yet i'm still taking my own sweet time to complete it. Not the most professional, a perfectionist wannabe like myself shall act. But nontheless, I think i deserve the break.. wahaha.. but on the other hand, i should really be carefull not to squander my cash away. I realised that i'm taking alot of cabs and wasting alot of money. This shouldn't be the case. Either way, expense should never increase with income, savings should. Therefore, im thankful for the increase and I should really come up with a plan to save and take care of my finances. wahaha.

Relationship wise Lord, I need to take care of my relationship with my cellgroup. I think i need to work alittle harder to get close to Ben, Clara, Lav and Ivan. Well, we are the small minute group of Singaporeans left. And Also i need to honour my claim to join a ministry this year.

So there's a few stuff that i'd need to complete these days.

1) Get my driving License by year end.
2) Get into a ministry
3) Continue in my savings

God.... Thank You...

2011-05-18T06:33:00.000-07:00

Dear Lord,

Finally have some time to talk to you..... Thank you for all that you've done. I guess this is the only avenue that I can really use to talk to you. This is my private chamber where I can make sense (or not) and talk to you and get in touch with myself.

Things are finally starting to make sense and I'm starting to live and love my life. My finances are finally taking a turn for the better. My exams are over and by your grace I really think that I can pass. My work is piling up but i think that I can smoothen thing out and get things running. Please help me get things through.

Now its just the relationships around me. Honestly, seeing all my friends getting attached is not easy. (God, please make sure no one reads this, lol) But I honestly think that I'm not good alone. "It is not good for Man to be alone" Lord you have said it yourself. I truly believe that if I was to be in a relationship I can channel alot of my negativity away and be a better person. Do i really need to actively seek that person out or can I truly depend on you and pray for that perfect person to drop dead-weight in front of me? Or like Adam, you're going to mysteriously bless me with a wonderful Eve when I wake up?

Nonetheless, Lord, I love you with everything and acknowledge you in all my ways. I truly believe that all the blessings what what ever is good came from you and your allowance for it to happen. I pray for your continuous support, strength and guidance for the days to come.

And I'm about to make the life changing decision again, just like the one that I made 5 years ago. This time round I pray that I will not live to regret it. I pray for your guidance and support Lord. Lord, i say again that I love you and desire more of the holy spirit. Thank you for everything that has happened to me. Remove the negativity in me and give me strength to live life every day the way you planned for me. Life has been wonderful and I pray that you will continue to be with me all the way.

Give me strength to do well in my job now Lord, irregardless of the fact if I'm leaving or not, I want to do well. To prove myself, to prove that you exist in me, to know that I can do it. For it is the only way that I can prove myself, to prove my existence. I've been doing well so far Lord. Please allow me to continue in this way. To excel in places where you've placed me. And Lord, I need a companion, I know I'll function better with one. To be in a codependent relationship. To be able to trust someone to enter the dark areas of my mind. To be free to be who I am. (okie this is getting mushy) But honestly, I can keep the stoic and serious persona for only so long before i seek and outlet to let the dark side out. Please give me someone that can embrace me for who I am and know that I am more good than bad and yet can still accept me for who I am. Lord I love you. And wish to have more of you in my life.

Thank you for everything Father.

Abba Lord, I love you

With love and regards,
Your Loving Son, Joseph

Death......

2011-05-04T09:02:00.000-07:00

Okie morbid title.. but this is my verbal diarrhea.. so screw it..

anyway am down wid flu, fever and nausea.. and my paper is tml.. plus the all important interview.. i've prayed and felt better yes the power of prayer works.. and now i just need a little rest.. yes i've only a little rest to get.. exactly 5 hours.. wow...... sian......

but God help me..

-----

on a side note. i guess i care too much abt how pple see me... i'm upset with L then I'm upset with the dynamics within my company. I'm a control freak... and an attention addict. i need to curb that... be more docile. be more humble. be more steady...........

sian... need to hang my clothes and sleep fast..

but one thing i've learnt over the past 2 years..

i'm alone here on earth (i love God but he's in heaven now)

I learn to trust no one... but myself....

depend on no one... remember that and i'll be fine..

歌。人。伤

2011-04-26T06:32:00.000-07:00

歌。人。伤

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It's been a while since I blogged.

2011-04-26T03:22:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I blogged.

How have I been? Not good? Stress level's thru the roof. I'm sitting outside bucky's now. Typing to myself. This ain't good.

I'm turning into the misanthropic maniac that I'm destined to be.
The revision is slowing down to a standstill and I can't seem to concentrate.

This is tough. Might be good if there's someone to study wid. But that'll kill the freedom that I seek. I need to be alone. Yet I dread the loneliness. Isn't this hopelessly ironic. Well too much is going on. Yet nothing's happened, yet. I need a breather. But from what? Life per say? I'm still lost. I'm 26 and I know not what I wanna do with my life. Drats this is one of those emo moments again.

Sigh I hope I get over this self pity loathing phase soon.

Kaythxbye!

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work work

2011-01-22T16:43:00.000-08:00

work work. this new year has started and i'm starting to work like a dog.

3 main areas that i need to focus on

1) old place - the stock taking is finishing, finally. i'm worried for my people and i'm abt to render all the help that i can get. but its taking too long and a heavy toll on my concentration for work. i need to start concentrating on my new job. this wed is the last day and hopefully from then on i can wash my hands off that place soon. =]

2) new place - okie new place needs hell lot of organising. so many things to do. okie lets list down:

a) BMS and M - i need to learn of all these systems and prep the equipment. breakdown my team and develop them individually. i need to ensure that all my equipments are repaired and that all my systems are updated.

b) administrative - i need to get my working space organised. the sitting area at the back is too far at the back i need to move forward to somewhere where i'll be seen and heard. and that i can interact with all my people. the office seems to be the best place. to do that i need to get the inet up for all the people and that i need to shift the i net out of the place. then i'll decorate it with a nice banner and the necessary charts. then i need to get my section heads to start planning and working out the administrative needs for their own section. IPPT, SOC, off/leave, individual skill sets.

c) relational - i realised that screaming doesn't work. i need to develop my people, guide them and educate them. i need to work closely with my bosses too. to gain their favour and their recognition through true blue hard work.

3) lastly, my school work - its high time that i start reading my notes and that i start working on my projects. i need to keep myself in sync. this week onwards, i need to start concentrating on my studies, period!

that's all for my plan for now. till CNY.

toodles!

freakmonk out!

突然好想你

2010-11-06T09:15:00.000-07:00

最怕空气突然安静
最怕朋友突然的关心
最怕回忆
突然翻滚绞痛着不平息
最怕突然听到你的消息

想念如果会有声音
不愿那是悲伤的哭泣
事到如今
终于让自已属于我自已
只剩眼泪还骗不过自己

突然好想你
你会在哪里
过的快乐或委屈
突然好想你
突然锋利的回忆
突然模糊的眼睛

我们像一首最美丽的歌曲
变成两部悲伤的电影
为什么你
带我走过最难忘的旅行
然后留下最痛的纪念品

我们
那么甜那么美那么相信
那么疯那么热烈的曾经
为何我们
还是要奔向各自的
幸福和遗憾中老去

突然好想你
你会在哪里
过的快乐或委屈
突然好想你
突然锋利的回忆
突然模糊的眼睛

最怕空气突然安静
最怕朋友突然的关心
最怕回忆
突然翻滚绞痛着不平息
最怕突然听到你的消息

最怕此生已经
觉醒自己过没有你
却又突然听到你的消息

--------------------------

我真的很想你。。但我知道你以忘了我。。。。

What kind of Hope does Jesus have for Us?

2010-10-30T20:29:00.000-07:00

Pastor Kong Hee

Hope and faith goes together. Faith is the strength in the arm that is era hong for the goal that your hope sets.

So what hope does Jesus have for us?

1) The hope of forgiveness and righteousness

If you don't forgive. You can't move on. God will give u the strength to forgive.

Have you given up your hate and bitterness?

2) The hope of healing and health.

[3 John 2]

3) Hopes of provision and blessings

You can prosper without sorrows. God can bless you both financially and spiritually.

How can we received the hope of Christ

1) Thinking

Optimistic Thinking.
Focus on the Lord!!
Know that He can!

Have
Only
Positive
Expectations

2) Visualizing

Focus on the power of visualizing. Visualise on the perfect life you are gonna have.

3) Believing

Believe in the fulfilling of your dreams that your dreams will come to pass.

[Jer 32:2, 9-10]

4) Praying

Holding
Onto
Prayer
Everyday

PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY

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blogging from ice cream town in cathay.

2010-10-10T03:20:00.000-07:00

my first blog from my mac.

lol anyway life has been pretty good now. i've gotten my mac. i'm starting to rely more on God. hopefully i'll stay on track this time. assignments are over. don't think i can get distinctions this time but at least credits i hope
=]

well anyway i'll be busy for the next few weeks for my papers. hopefully i don't screw up. should start studying already. damn.

since the departure, all things are settling down. crazy thoughts are out the window. things are finally normalizing. the new specs seems pretty okie. one of them is even as tall as fang. lol or taller.. wahaha anyway, doesn't really matter. will need to slowly handover all my stuff to them and move on.

finally i'm starting to see the light of moving on. must start planning my finances and moving into a new life. the army is really not for me.

i guess.

shall leave it up to my lord. but 1 thing i know for sure. i need to be a better person.

i love my cell group. my friends. my life and my God.

wait.. where's my family?

......

freakmonk out

Knock knock

2010-06-15T16:17:00.001-07:00

Jo ah Jo ah. U damn farnie lah. Keep repeating the same mistakes. Over
reacting is the worst of your worries man. U need to control. Is u
wanna survive this year u better do it. U can control better now but
still u'd need to be milder!!! Wise up my friend!

Lord please don't abandon me. It's gonna get real scary. I am really
just depending on u for everything now. I mean really EVERYTHING..
please don't let me down.

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Please!

2010-05-29T06:04:00.001-07:00

God please if you're not gonna give me strenght now. Then take me away

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the story of the brown clown. (part 1)

2010-05-23T05:17:00.000-07:00

Its a simple story. A cliche of sorts. A story about a young brown clown who travelled in a caravan with his troupe, in a far far away land.
----------------------------------------------------

The brown clown was the only clown in his troupe. He was a marvellous jack of all trades, knowing the little niches to tickle the crowds and draw in the smiles. He would somersault from point to point, eat fire while jumping on a pogo stick and hang on the trapeze with his tie. He was the best clown in town.

But he was alone.

The clown was sad and lonely. For no one bothered to look beyond the acrobatic tricks and magical performances. No one wanted to know the real him. For everyone wants to see the clown but no one wants to know him. After the show, he is still alone. As he sheds his make up, the clown crumbles and the frown shows. But no one wants to see a sad clown, he reckons. So he locks himself up in the caravan and closes his curtains tight.

what a sad life the brown clown lived.

what a sad life.

How does God build up our faith?

2010-03-27T20:30:00.001-07:00

How does God build up our faith?

1) He gives us a Dream

[Matt 14:24-31]

God always give us a dream to follow through. Just like Peter having a
dream, desire to walk on water.

God's dream always requires faith. It's always a dream that requires
the power if God. If not. It'll fail.

2) We need to make a Decision.

[Matt 14:29]

To walk on water we need to leave our comfort zone. To move into the
realm of faith by leaving the realm of security.

When you procrastinate, you are squandering your time and talents to
the devil.

3) There will definately be Difficulties

Even Jesus' destiny was met with numerous difficulties.

Difficulties may come in the form of the critics and negativity.

4) There will be Delays

[Matt 14:30]

There will always be a waiting time for your destiny to come to pass.
As stated in the bible. There is always seed, TIME and harvest.

Noah wait 120 years.
Abraham waited for 100 years for his son.

Waiting teaches us to trust in God.
Delay is not denial!

5) Deadend!!!!!!

[Matt 14:30]

Abraham= A father of many nations.

[Romans 4:19]

[Jer 3:33]

6) Deliverance

[Matt 14:31]

Just as Peter was drowning Jesus IMMEDIATELY stretch out His hand to
save him.

Remember there is nothing God can't do!!!

It's God's speciality to resolve the natural, SUPERNATURALLY!!!!

I Love God!!! Woosh!

Every major character in the bible learns to wait on the Lord.

[Isa 40:30-31]

How do you WAIT on the Lord.

1) WITHSTAND

[Eph 6:13]

Be bold and WITHSTAND the temptations and failures.

2) Anticipate.

[Ps 27:13]

Always know that God's miracles would come. They WOULD come over!!
God's glory would come.

Through expectation. There will be desires and hunger for the Lord!!

Expectation is the atmosphere for miracles!!!

Don't take NO for an answer!!!

A lack of anticipation can be due to a fear of disappointment derived
from the lack of faith.

Always have hope.

Holding On Praying Expectantly

3) Intercede

[Luke 18:1]

If you don't pray. You'll lose heart.

Praying is the fuel for motivation and strength!!

There is no istant result!! Pray till a breakthrough comes through!!!!!

4) Trust

[Prov 3:5-6]

Give God the trust and authority to lead and guide you.

In all my ways, trust Him to Lead you.

Do you have a dream. Let it rest on the power arms of God to mold it.

Withstand it
Anticipate
Intercede
Trust!!!

Ask for your miracles today!!

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God. Thank you so much for a wonderful family like the Thias. I never knew love until I met them. Thru Josh you have blessed me with a family I never knew.

2010-03-27T18:37:00.001-07:00

God. Thank you so much for a wonderful family like the Thias. I never
knew love until I met them. Thru Josh you have blessed me with a
family I never knew.

Thank you Father for the wonderful things you've done for me in my
life. I love you Dad. =] thank you so much for everything.

Dear Lord If I ever have the chance. Well God. I want to. I want to
have a family just like theirs. To be loving and loved. That my kids
will not be in want. That they would be loving, giving and God
fearing. And that my wife and I would have a strong endearing bond.
Please Father, this I ask of you. Please bless me with this family.

I love you Lord. Thank you. =]

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The Need For Unity

2010-03-21T02:32:00.001-07:00

Religion teaches us that the love of their gods are conditional. That
we need to sacrifice and to give before their god would love them.

But our God is different. His Love came first, even before our
scarifice.

And because of that God did not send an angel or a messenger to us.
Instead He came to us Himself. For when it comes to the matters of
Love, you have to do it yourself.

[Acts 1:4-5]

Jesus' disciple was from Galilee. That's why Jesus had to command them
to stay in Jeruselum.

While the disciples thought that the resurrection of Christ was the
finale of the restoration of Isreal. But instead it was only the
beginning.

[Acts 2:1-4]

1st Group

Are pple tat was touch were the Hebrew speaking Jews

[Acts 2:5-8]

2nd Group

Are Jews speaking other languages.

This movement from the first group to the second group was the
widening of the circle of love.

[Acts 2:38-39]

[Acts 2:41-47]

Why were day able to do it daily?? Because the Passover Feast was not
for only 1 day

[Acts 4:4, 18]

The disciples were persecuted as the amount of people expanded. These
persecution is to contain you back in the original circle of love.

[Acts 4:29-31]

The disciples prayed and were filled with courage, strength and
boldness.

[Acts 5:2-6]

Holy Spirit does not like dishonesty and lying. Renew your mind!

[Acts 6:1-5]

They chose men filled with the Holy Spirit as only with the anointing
of God can the confilcts be resolved.

[Acts 7:51, 56-60]

[1 Cor 3:1-3]

A group can only stay strongly united with the help of the Holy Spirt.

[Acts 8:1-2]

Sense of unity is very important.

[Acts 8:4-8]

Why did Phillip go to Samaria.
Because Samaria is an unclean place. The Pharisees would not go there.
Therefore it is safe from persecution and also have great potential
for wonderous signs and miracles.

Samaria is like the percieves unclean places of the world. Like
Geylang, Hollywood etc

[Acts 8:9,13]

Simon was one of the greatest sorceror. But even he was changed and
converted. There is no one place or person that God can't touch.

[Acts 8:14-17]

It doesn't matter what u have done in life. Because by the grace of
the Holy Spirit. We were all saved and allowed to enter the gates of
Heaven.

[Acts 9:1-2, 4-5]

[Acts 9:8-17]

Even Saul the persecutor was accepted into the family of Gods.

The circle of Gods love moved from the Hebrew speaking Jews to Jews of
other languages to the persecutors to the unclean Samaritans to the
main persecutor of Christ.

And now finally.

[Acts 10:40-45]

Cornelius, a gentile, is accepted into the family of Christ.

Because being filled with the Holy Spirit means being accepted into
the family of God.

Hallelujah!!

[Acts 11:26]

Being a Christian means being filled with the Holy Spirt. Not carnal.
We are followers of Christ, the anointed one.

I love you God. =]

There is no segregation.

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There is no such thing as indispensible. One needs to realise one's value. I need to loosen up.

2010-03-06T03:51:00.001-08:00

There is no such thing as indispensible. One needs to realise one's
value. I need to loosen up.

In times of need... Pray. In everything give thanks.

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Catching a Vision that would enl

2010-01-09T19:50:00.001-08:00

[Hab 2:1-2]

If you're just thinking about mediocracy. That is wrong. You should
not limit yourself.

1) God speaks to us through visions

99.9% of the time God does not speak I an audible voice. Nonetheless
we must be sure that the vision is from Heaven not conjured up by us.

Like Lots wife she had a vision for her past on top of God's vision of
survival and freedom. And thus she turned into apillar of salt. This
taught us that our visions especially one that is tied to our past
would destroy us.

[Jn 5:19] seek after the Father.

But do know that every vision requires focus. God's vision would take
time. It is not immediate. Therefore hold fast to it. Don't be
distracted.

[Josh 1:7-8]

Stay focus. Keep confessing it then act on it!!! Strive on!!! Think,
meditate and act upon ure vision.

Be strong and courageous!!!

2) Set yourself in a right place to receive the vision.

Tarry with God in your prayer. A 5 min prayer a day would not allow
you to focus and enter into God's presense.

Imagination is more important than knowledge - Albert Enstine

3) God's vision will enlarge you

Only small men think small thoughts.

[Exo 34:23-24]

[1 Cor 4:10]

God's vision will only enlarge you and motivate you.

[Isa 54:2]

No Vision will lead you to the end of the road and tempt you into a
careless life.

Catch hold of a vision God.

[Acts 2:17]

When leaders stop dreaming it isomly a matter of time his followers
stop following.

Successful people focus on progress!!

Progress progress progress!!

Start believing God for greater things.

2 area we need to enlarge in..

1) Our Thinking.

[Eph 3:20]

Think = 'Noieo' (Gk) to percieve with the mind.

God will not move until we move.

God always has more installed for you.

2) Ourselves Personally.

We are usually presented with contrast. So it is up to our choice in
every area

Areas of choices -

1. Leadership : Laws or Liberty

Laws and rigidity stifles creativity.

2. Serving : Hierarchy or Heart

[Matt 20:25-28]

Do not only serve the higher up. But serve the ones that are truly
deserve it. Serve the people not the rank.

3. Ability: Self Centered or Spirit Centered

Do you only care about yourself. Or the things that are beneficial to
you?? Do you only do things that you THINK you can do?? Do more than
your peers.

But be like Joseph. It is not him that is able to interprete dreams
but the Holy spirit that is upon him. Trust Him

[2 Cor 12:9]

4. Discipline: Legalism or Love

People want a leader that Loves them

5. Creativity: Fear or Faith

Give everyone an opportunity to try

[2 Tim 1:6-7]

Do not intimitate your people.

6. Love: Control or Care

Care for your people. Do not limit and control them.

7. Work: Duty or Devotion

Duty only brings you to where you need to go but Devotion brings you
to the extra mile.

[Phil 2:20-21]

[Ex 17:12] Moses was getting tired praying but his people were devoted
to him and supported him throughout.

8. Attitude: Getting or Giving

Do you work just so that you can be noticed. Or are you working for
the devotion to the work.

9. Lifestyle: Explanation or Example

Are you just explaining are the time??

[John 13:13-15]

[2 Thess 3:7-9]

And the result!! Not Bondage but Breakthrough

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Lazy day in class

2010-01-08T00:50:00.001-08:00

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Begin forwarded message:

From: Jo Monk <jo.monkz@gmail.com>
Date: January 8, 2010 15:00:34 GMT+08:00
To: "freakmonk.public@blogspot.com" <freakmonk.public@blogspot.com>
Subject: Lazy day in class

So bored today. There's tonnes to learn but nothing much to do. Will be learning abt stocks later today plus going to sing at nite!! So fun lol

i love to sing

2009-11-08T00:48:00.000-08:00

i love to sing. love to listen to my own voice. to go for the highest notes to the deepest tone.

i am not the best in the world. i'm not even one of the good singers in my gang. but i love to sing. its the only time i can feel my emotions running. the only time i can really feel alive. every part of me brigthens up and i let the emotions fill me, without feeling restricted, without caring how others look at me. its me without the world and just me.

i love singing.

now to find the person that loves singing with me. (=

there's a reason why I hate FB and MSN...

2009-11-07T04:55:00.000-08:00

sigh...

just saw some status updates on FB...

a pang of melancholy stuck me. part of me really missed w115... missed hanging out there...

but more importantly, regret. regret and unfulfillment.
i was in a place where i constantly felt that i was not good enough and not recognised. i was constant dumped shoved aside. and just like the many parts of my life. cg became a job. there was not interaction beyond the daily prayer meetings, cg attendance, member's growth, member's well being. it was a sad sad time in my life. the stress was overwhelming. the need to be accepted was so strong.

though i understand that i need to take responsiblity for the results, that on some level i landed myself in that situation. but sadly, beyond the many rational converstations that are sounding off, the emotional tempremental one echos errily that its "NOT MY FAULT!"

well.. anyway like most unhappiness, this has past and my life has moved on. i'm in a happy cg now. no stress, everyone's cordial and my life is picking up. i'm in a good place now. i'm living my life. the friends i have now are the only ones i need.

i love my life. and everything i do, its for the betterment of my life!

i love myself!

Betterment of oneself

2009-11-01T06:22:00.000-08:00

last paper coming in 2 days and i have yet to touch my books.. pretty much screwed. but nonetheless i really hope that things works out well at the end.

financial wise. this is my lowest point in life... i think i am spiraling into financial disaster... The army's political move to withdraw the july bonus really hurt alot and sent most of my plans down the drain. now i have to start another one. Good thing out of this whole mess is that I am learning to scrimp. Honestly, when you are that deep in shit, you gotta learn how to swim in it.

I think things will work out properly. I hope. anyway, ais is back and leaving soon. really missed her. she's been a real dear, yet a pain in the arse at times. but throughout her stay she's been really cool. well most pple would be if you're financially stable and have hell lot of time. but i can see how staying in SG would really mess her up. just staying for nearly a month seems to be killing her. well though i don't like the idea of her moving to aussie eventually. i think i would just have to live with it.

for now, i just have to focus on my plans. for now, its to do well in my exams.. erm.. maybe not superbly well, but well enuff to prevent me from spending unneccesary cash on additional terms. =)then eventually to leave the army and focus of doing work outside in the big scary world and eventually earn my keep to start my cafe by age 35.

focus focus focus... everything i do it will have to be for the betterment of myself. not just for the momentary pleasure. but for the eventual betterment of myself.i have to start focusing on my life and how to better it..

i am turning 24.. boohoo...

Today I feel like crap

2009-03-29T03:37:00.001-07:00

Today I feel like crap.

Recap for what has happened over the past 3-4 weeks...

I finally completed my LP journey. It was great. Tiring, trying yah.. but it was not that bad... Still tonees to get settled...

Next up on the last day of my 3rd week end. I learnt that Richard passed on.. still tough talking about it. Its not easy to acknowledge the apssing of a friend. Still kinda blame myself for nto spending enough time with him. But I think God he's supposed to be in a better place now....

Flunk my Comm LAW papaer.. but yet i can't seem to study today... Today is just a crappy day.. for some weird reason i can't seem to stay at home alone.. weird thoughts starts to creep in....

Can't seem to work..

Today I feel like crap.

Pst Kong Hee - Love Busters

2009-03-23T01:58:00.001-07:00

Pst Kong Hee - Love Busters

Love is a choice and also a very intense feeling...

A relationship cannot be in a sluggish slow mode..

The moment the passion is lost in any relationship, it is fated to end... Falling and tumbling towards destruction.

The good news is that God can resurrect the love.

6 love busters

1) selfish demands
1 cor 13:5
No one can put up with selfish demands forever
Solution: "policy of joint agreement" - never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement from both parties

Always check back and ask how the other party feels about the decision.

Only make thoughtful requests. one must be willin to accept no. Look for a mitiagatimg point.

One should aim for 0 tolerence for selfish demands and requests

2) Disrespectful Judgements

DON'T BE A CRITIC!!!
Don't use concern as a disguise to control and abusive you spouse. Don't ridicule and be sarcastic to the spouse and use the other party's secrets against them EVER!

Instead of disrespectful judgements be a respectful persuasion.

3) Angry Outburst
A verbal and physical attack: creates tonnes of unneccesary fear between both parties.

Purpose of an angry outburst: Punishment!

Solution: confess that you have a temper problem. Undestand that angry outburst is a form of punishment.

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Start of my crazy weekend

2009-02-23T19:09:00.001-08:00

I am very tired now. I'm rushing around going for a shoot now.

They ask me what have I been doing that is different on my life? All
my life, I've been pleasing. Pleasing others. Pleasing my mom, my
family, my friends, my colleagues.... Today 2 different people in my
life told me something. I'm over committed. I am so thinly spread that
there isn't enough of me left to go around. How true. What is going to
be different foe me for the rest of my LP and my life? I would learn
to learn to be selfish. I would pit myself first. I would have the
courage to say no . I would only do what pleases me. I would make sure
that I do not have more than 3 main activity my life at any one time.
My school and work are considered 2. so now I would only have time for
1 more. For the next 3 months of would be PVC. then I would place my
heart and soul into my family, work and school. My anchor would be the
church that is all. no more extras... Anymore.

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I am tired: crazy weekend

2009-02-23T18:59:00.000-08:00

I am very tired now. I'm rushing around going for a shoot now.

They ask me what have I been doing that is different on my life? All my life, I've been pleasing. Pleasing others. Pleasing my mom, my family, my friends, my colleagues.... Today 2 different people in my life told me something. I'm over committed. I am so thinly spread that there isn't enough of me left to go around. How true. What is going to be different foe me for the rest of my LP and my life? I would learn to learn to be selfish. I would pit myself first. I would have the courage to say no . I would only do what pleases me. I would make sure that I do not have more than 3 main activity my life at any one time. My school and work are considered 2. so now I would only have time for 1 more. For the next 3 months of would be PVC. then I would place my heart and soul into my family, work and school. My anchor would be the church that is all. no more extras... Anymore.

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Relational sermon by Kong

2009-02-18T05:43:00.003-08:00

1 cor 7:3

People has 5 needs .
Woman
1) affection 2) conversation 3) honesty and openness

Woman need to talk...
Communication is the key to a successful relationship.
Conversations between couples reduces by 20% with each year that passes by.
Man doesn't communicates his deep feelings...

For marriage to work, a couple should spend at least 15hrs a week having a private intimate relationship..

Woman needs verbal attention... Col 4:6
Learn to converse in supportive and Constructive conversation..
Every woman has a deep craving to know the. Innermost feelings of their spouse. Dishonesty and inability to share would cause inreparable damage. Truth builds emotional stability in woman.

Man
1) sexual need 2) recreational companionship 3) attractive spouse

Man needs to find a partner that would be his best friend...

Col 3:18

1 Sam 16:7 man judges by the physical appearance.
Woman are attracted and somulated by sounds. While man are attracted and simulated by sight.

Woman shouldn't let themselves to after marriage. If woman wishes that their husbands to be affectionate and loving. They should keep ip with their side of the bargain by keeping herself attractive n beautiful.

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Help

2009-02-18T05:43:00.001-08:00

I'm dead....
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Relationships by Konghee

2009-02-18T02:18:00.001-08:00

1 cor 7:3

People has 5 needs .
Woman
1) affection 2) conversation 3) honesty and openness

Woman need to talk...
Communication is the key to a successful relationship.
Conversations between couples reduces by 20% with each year that
passes by.
Man doesn't communicates his deep feelings...

For marriage to work, a couple should spend at least 15hrs a week
having a private intimate relationship..

Woman needs verbal attention... Col 4:6
Learn to converse in supportive and Constructive conversation..
Every woman has a deep craving to know the. Innermost feelings of
their spouse. Dishonesty and inability to share would cause
inreparable damage. Truth builds emotional stability in woman.

Man
1) sexual need 2) recreational companionship 3) attractive spouse

Man needs to find a partner that would be his best friend...

Col 3:18

1 Sam 16:7 man judges by the physical appearance.
Woman are attracted and somulated by sounds. While man are attracted
and simulated by sight.

Woman shouldn't let themselves to after marriage. If woman wishes that
their husbands to be affectionate and loving. They should keep ip with
their side of the bargain by keeping herself attractive n beautiful.
Woman don't attribute heavily to the physical/attractivity aspect of
their spouse.

Important aspects that man looks upon:
A) weight control
B) makeup
C) hairstyle
D) clothes
E) cosmetic surgery

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Ok I would have to start picking myself up. My DOE is falling apart.... First of all, my role on the play. I would have to secure it. Then I would have to start planning for my financial goal soon. MS have to start reading soon. Need to make sure buddy study.....

2009-02-13T20:19:00.003-08:00

Ok I would have to start picking myself up. My DOE is falling apart.... First of all, my role on the play. I would have to secure it. Then I would have to start planning for my financial goal soon. MS have to start reading soon. Need to make sure buddy study.....

Ok... Just finished setting up the LAN gaming station... Sian there's so many ad hoc stuff that goes on in this place it's driving me nuts....

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Today is a Brand new day! I'm not that tired. But I am feeling melancholic. I miss M. I still do. some say that it's impossible to forget your first love. how true is that! The could have's and would have's would always longer in me. I should have said yes when you asked me that time. I'm sorry.

2009-02-13T20:19:00.001-08:00

Today is a Brand new day! I'm not that tired. But I am feeling melancholic. I miss M. I still do. some say that it's impossible to forget your first love. how true is that! The could have's and would have's would always longer in me. I should have said yes when you asked me that time. I'm sorry.

Freakmonk

Importing contacts has never been easier..Bring your friends over to Yahoo! Mail today! http://www.trueswitch.com/yahoo-sg

I created a WOW today

2009-02-09T04:08:00.001-08:00

I created a WOW today

I made many kids laugh. I saw them smile. I, and a group of wonderful people did e impossible. We created a WOW!

What more can I say. I've procrastinated long enuff. I've been too negative and 'practical' long enuff. I beef to have the spirit of creating the impossible! I can and I WILL! Please don't forget that Joseph!

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Joseph @ Library.

2009-01-01T23:14:00.000-08:00

Okie this is old.

But hell its 2009!!! Woots. i can't believe it. the horrendous year of 2008 is finally gone. But its quite daunting thinking that 365 days passed this quickly. its disturbing to know that so much has happened so quickly.

Its just like yesterday that I argued with that person. When I got disgustingly drunk and Jensen literally had to sent me home. When I totally hated my unit when i got posted there last march. When i met the wonderful pple back in AW. When i first hugged my mom. When I did so many atrocious, nasty, pleasant, surprising stuff.

2008 is a weird year for me. But it passed so fast. A tad too fast. Time really flies, there's so much to do and so little time.

2009 is here. What do i see in myself. What is different? What can I be. What will I create.

Well, first and foremost.. as I've told many. Is to be in a serious, honest relationship. I'm open to it now. Clarity has helped keep me more focused.

2ndly, financial freedom, meaning I'll do away with my philandering ways and be more aware of my financial status.

3rdly, Do well in my studies.

------------------------------

LP is my last burst of fire.

I'm gonna complete my LP, set my goals and win.

There's lots to do. But i can only be focused on one.

After that I'll concentrate on my work, saving money and my studies. And if luck has it ...... lol

2009 seems promising.

=]

the human mind is a scary place

2008-12-27T23:26:00.000-08:00

Another perilous week.

Havin further insight of myself was definately not easy. its tough hearing things about yourself, esspecially thing that you don't want to hear. the recent talk i had with a friend really hit me bad. And I ended up beating myself up all over again. cursing and swearing on my mistakes, misjudgments, misgivings and misery. What I fail to see is that, despite all the cursing and swearing. Most of it was engineered by myself. To be pitied, to be hurt, in a sadistical kinda way.

Though I'm constantly screaming in my head about not being appreciated, not being recognised, people know seeing me as mature and insightful as I really am. That's because part of me really don't want to be seen that way.

Well all these may sound all to complicated, weird and a lil psychotic. But mind you, I just went through a very dark and scary journey through my mind and these are the results. The human mind is a frightful place to go too.

But nonetheless, I came out being clearer and more motivated. I'm not that power by hype now but a lot more motivated by my intentions and vision.

I understand that I am a confident, disciplined, mature and stable person. I can love anyone within my circle. And I shouldn't be swayed by how others see me. Knowing this helped my be more stable and energised. And I'm more in tuned with myself. My goals are now certained and set. And i'm ready to go out and have fun.

I'll be very drained, having to practise what I've stop using for the past few years. Its like doing sit ups and running. Starting and practising can be tough. But once you have the hang of it, its a breeze.

With regards to the person I talk to. Honestly, a platonic relationship between 2 person requires both parties to put in the effort. What every each of us have experience and felt was contributed 100% by both parties. Whatever I did was my fault and how you reacted to it was your results. Same for me, its my fault that I allowed myself to be hurt and feel uncomfortable. But you contributed a platform. its always 100% from both parties.

I'm honestly sorry. And I've released and moved past it. I hope you can do too... Talking to someone abt it every 3 days is not helping. In fact its detrimental. Honestly.

Well, I've finally penned all that I've to say. I got it out. And now i'm moving on. Cheers to me. Woots!

Breakthroughs and Commitments

2008-10-19T05:40:00.000-07:00

This week has been the best week of my life. The most stretching and tiring week for my mind. I've explored so much of myself.. I've opened my mind to the impossible. And allowed myself to think of the unimaginable..

This week i explored so many thinks on so many different levels and allowed myself to so many new experiences. I really don't know where to start. But first and foremost, the most important breakthrough for me. My MOM.

Finally, I gave in to my wants. I gave in to my innerself that yearns for a complete family.

Today, I hugged my mom.

It was difficult, was tough, had tonnes of consideration and trepidation, coupled with lots of hesitation. lol. Like many things in life, i had to stage my entrance. waited till she was about the leave the house did i rush out of my room and hugged her from behind. She wasn't really shocked but slightly taken aback. Quietly she asked if i was alright. I didn't know how to answer but just to tell her I love her.
It was the ice-breaker that both of us have been waiting for. the entire episode happened so fast that i can't really remember the details that followed. But later today, i had dinner with my family. it has been a while but i realised how much i missed them. to know of the little details in their lives. and now.. i'm committed to improve my relationship with them. the awkwardness still remains. but i would strive to improve the situation. I am committed to have a better relationship. it is what i want.

there's still many stuff that has affected me greatly this week. from my work to my family to my friends and even international issues. So many things that i want to do now.. But i shall let the hype subside and clearly decide what i really want.

this week i was stretched but it was good.

i hugged my mom :]

If Time Stood Still...

2008-10-18T04:33:00.001-07:00

if time stood still for me. with the world moving on. what would i see from where i stand? who would grieve for my passing on?

looking back at the 23 years of my life. i tried to count the accomplishments that i've achieved, the differences i've made and the impact i had on others. i realised that i've done so little. the recent course that i've completed allowed me greater insight to who i am. but yet, the more i know, the less i know. i'm still greatly influenced by my emotions. still greatly influenced by hype. still immature.

i've came to terms with many things. and grown to love myself more than i have for the longest time. i now have a clearer view of the things i want. but my beliefs still hold me back. i am who i am. knowing why i feel in a certain doesn't change things. it just allows me to make a clearer choice. but will i still get affected by my emotions? i don't know.

limiting beliefs : ideas, routine thoughts and habits that restrict one to a pattern or lifestyle.

i am restricted. and now i want to break free. to learn to feel the way i feel, to acknowledge my beliefs yet allowing them to restrict me no more. i'm going through a metamorphosis, i know. but what i'll turn out to be, i don't.maybe that's the beauty of it.

explore and take risks.

what do I want.

2008-10-17T08:24:00.000-07:00

i came out.

5 days of my life, changed almost everything in me...

these 5 days, i've been forced to stare hard at myself. to search for what exactly is meaningful in my life.

these 5 days, i've gotten to know people that has and will impact my life.

these 5 days, i've gotten me.

i'm still pretty lost now, having my new found strength and teachings on a constant tug-of-war with the beliefs that supported me throughout the past 23 years of my life. though i'm strenthened but yet the burden gets heavier.

100% intention + 0% mechanism = 100% results

this was what i've learnt. the first thing that has impacted me. my intentions. what are they, why do i have them and are they really mine? these are the questions i've refused to asked myself all these years. and blindly i've allowed myself to be on the automatic. to go with the flow, to "do what my heart says" and my image sat snugly in the director's chair. all these's years, i've learnt the art of perfecting my image. to be the guy that tries to please others yet appears to have a mind of my own. or at least that was the image i wanted to project. it was tough but the payoffs were good. the sacrifices? well they're tolerable as long as i ignored them.

but now i can't/won't. how can one still be so blind when something so tangible is thrown right at him. a new thought process has kicked start in my life. and its be nudging me to explore myself and stretch all the way. i'm learning and exploring. its not easy. but at least now i'm open. and now i've come to love myself.

now its time to get what i really want. and i'm committed! :)

ASIAWORKS RAWKS!!

2008-10-15T09:02:00.000-07:00

the course gave me more than i ever had..

It gave me, me! new friends new perspective.. i love it.... i want to say more.. with all my emotions bubbling up like fizzy pop. but I'll wait. As I want to finish my work first. Will talk more... but now I love life more than before!

Cheers to all my friends and all that asiaworks has given me!

random post #1

2008-10-06T07:22:00.000-07:00

i'm bored.. just finished work..

super tired..
super tired..
super tired..

i'm being squeezed too much..

i'm suffocating..

and i'm growing fat...

sad sad fat

Joseph! Stop Being a Jerk!

2008-10-02T16:51:00.000-07:00

My temper has been flaring these days, partially due to my failing health, the ever increasing stress to perform up to standard and I guess i was just drunk with power.

i am now screaming and swearing on an hourly basis. i would need to change and learn to be more civilised.. its important.. and its a must...

joseph must learn......................

I should start learning how to relax and take things easy....

---------------------------

haha am now in the office early (not just to blog) to finish some last min work. work is tiring especially when you need to work during your hols. but woots i get to see my old friends today!!! 2 Chalets!!! woots... but i gotta miss going for Esther's and Josh's invite...

its a tiring week... fun in a sense but tiring......
but its still a sucky year... too many firsts.. too many goodbyes........
sad sad year

Slacking

2008-09-24T20:30:00.001-07:00

I'm in my office now.. i'm bored.. i've work to do.. but i'm procrastinating... lol....

Tonnes of stuff to do..

1) Boc list [try to finish by monday]
2) My annual contributions.. [for ranking.. super important]
3) bulwark stuff

Sounds simple... but damn busy... damn lost... damn tired..

plus my cough is killing me.. help!

The duck died...

2008-09-21T08:25:00.001-07:00

TVDUCK is missing...

Oh no... my world has fallen apart.... my fave, trusted webbie tvduck.com has crashed... it only returns a 404 error when i search for that page... now i'd never know what happened to carrie.... and if Samantha really gets cancer...... oh gosh.. my world has fallen into pieces.....

okie.. i'm being melodramatic here..... no i'm not some weird bitchy person with no life that's glues to my tube watching SATC.. but it is a good show lah... lol

--------------------------------

Weekends been crazy... but the last thursday at Timbre with Est was fun. Got to know more friends and have a good long chat with Est.. Gotta thank her for introducing me to new people... its high time i expand my social circle more........

Thank God for her too... I think me and Est has mutual support for each other.. cause we're two very similar creatures.... thus we understand what the other party is going through alot easier.... its a co-dependent relationship that only works for a selected few... i'm thankful i found one...

Well looking forward to my wed and thurs back at timber! it's the Musicfest!!! woohoo......

---------------------------------------

Getting used to myself

2008-09-07T09:05:00.000-07:00

getting upset all over again.

first of all lets start by allowing myself to vent a lil.

in a relationship, be it platonic or romantic. the one that avails him/herself tends to be the one that gets disappointed the most. this is a fact that has been rather apparent in my life. so many times have i been the one that plans for gatherings. arrange for groupie outings, farewells and birthday gathering. so many times have i been the one that does the calling up and synchronising of timings. but so many time i leave the party feeling unappreciated and jaded. so many time have past.. and i've finally given up.

it is at times life this that i've felt that i've cheapen myself and has been giving priorities to the wrong party. "do unto others as you wish others to do upon you" has always been a mantra that i adhere too dearly. but alas, i've been shown too many times that this is not true. though evil begets evil, but good definately doesn't beget good. when push comes to shove, i know that i'll be standing alone.

there's no such thing as a one true friend.
fairy tales are just fairy tales.

family - i can do without
career - i can do without
friends? - i guess i have to learn to do without them too...

its not tough being alone, it just needs getting use to.

Bonds...

2008-08-31T00:24:00.000-07:00

Today i had breakfast with an old friend.

He used to be important to me.... but with the aging of time and the complications as we mature, things got bland. even as we were having brunch... thing's felt different. we've drifted.

nowadays, as i look at the friends that i've made over the years. i realised that many have drifted past me. besides josh a a few closer ones there isn't many that i could count on as friends. even this precious few that i've valued and hold dear can i really count on them? when the storm hits the fence, isn't everyone for themselves only?

relating to my conversation with jensen the day before, i realised that bonds between people, strong relationships are now beyond the comprehension of people. no one cares that much anymore... it is no longer of much importance..

Sad sad truth....

I'm back at Spinellis

2008-08-29T03:04:00.000-07:00

Back at my fave cafe...

alone with my lappie (Kudos to the gahmen's lousy security.. lol)... I'm bored but relieved..

the past few weeks has been extremely busy.. i'm tired and jaded.

After a few (ok alot ) episodes of SNTC.. i'm feeling melancholic and nostalgic.. I've gotten over that person already but guess i'm not ready to move on yet. tired from the many events at work, still unable to concentrate and excel.. i guess its part of genes by now. Relationship with mom has come to a stagnant.. i'm a happy person but it hurts to know that your own family is shunning you. Even my sis (the one with the big tummy) is refusing to reply my texts.. i would've kicked up a storm but now i'm so numbed by the events around me i guess it hard to really feel much. i'm starting to get use to going back to an empty room, alone with my computer. Meeting new people's tough, old friends are judgmental if not busy. Can't really rely on my friends. I've come to a realisation that on can only depend on himself for survival. Pinning hopes on the greater good of humanity has failed me too many times. I've lowered my standards and has grown immune to the cruel workings of this world. its just me, myself and I. sad but its the truth.. i'm going to be alone and i better start liking it.... geez.. i'm a pessimist lol...

Anyway looking on the bright side... woohoo i've finally got my very own CREDIT CARD!! woohoo.. 2 of them too... its great.. the UOB platinum and the One card...finally some thing that i've always wanted.. but hell i better start on my savings plan and self control. Knowing myself, the lack of self control would just spin me into the abyss of bankruptcy within a month.. lol...

That aside.. here's here's my wish list for the end of the year....

1) a new pair of sneakers (Adidas Superstar of cuz)
2) a digital camera
3) a new bag
4) a new pair of jeans
5) violin / piano lessons
6) a degree
7) a gal ( anyone know where i can get one? :) )

Well that's all for now.. pretty much just blogging here as i wait for my SATC to load.. lol..

goodness this entry just sound too queeny! damn have to start changing my writing style...

Fisherman Wharf

2008-08-04T22:06:00.000-07:00

monday

skipped work that day. was feeling too down, couldn't really concentrate. thus decided that work wasn't going to be productive.

met josh for a movie, "money no enough 2".

a very disturbing movie to me. too close to heart. lack of cash signs of impending failure in life left me feeling jittery for my future. but what shook me more would be the plot about their mom. with the current situation at home, i cannot imagine what i would do if my mom was to suffer from Alzheimer Disease. how i would be able to cope? if i'm financially sound and capable than taking care of her would not be that much of a problem. but what if i'm not. i would not be able to give her the care,concern and attention she needs. she would have no one to talk to when i'm away. she has no friends, thus no company. what can she rely on then. i want to take care of her but can i. i'm worried at my own capabilities.

i'm worried.

Monday Blues....

2008-08-03T20:03:00.000-07:00

Today i just had my worst case of monday blues...

i woke up, got off bed and decided that i can't make it for work.

this is not happening.. but i really felt like i can't work today. i needed a rest. to be outside, meet people have a good lunch and just chill...

so i called my best bud. arranged to go out....

was all ready to move out when .. BAM! he called to cancel.. damn... never got bumped by josh before.. but work's work.. so too bad.....

but now, kinda stuck at home with my mom... really need to get out... but can't.. i still need my wine and steak... the craving persistently nudges at me.......

sad...

bluey monday..

Rock Bottom... and 11 Golden Teeth

2008-07-30T15:49:00.000-07:00

I've hit rock bottom...

-relationship back home is like crap.
-work's stressful and precarious.
-social circle shrinking.
-financial woes are creeping up

my entire life is crashing around me.

i'm pretty sure, i'll collapse and give in to that tiny voice in my head soon.

but weirdly, it is this period that God seems to show up in the least expected places.
kenneth called the other day after what i've blogged. all of a sudden my dear sister mable was available for dinner. and she started sharing her life story with me on how God changed her. and this is the lady that i once preached to 2 years back. what irony.

amongst her touching stories on the tiny touches of God in her life, she shared this particular miracle that happened recently to her church mate. in a nutshell, her church mate when for a christian convention in malaysia, with a very bad toothache. when for a healing altar call and came back with 11 gold teeth. tell me that's not a miracle... lol

new doors to new churches started opening up. God is giving me options. but can i take them? can i return to God with no fear anymore. i'm scared. i know i still have flaws and sinful urges, i'm not sure if i can stop them. but seriously, deep down i think i really need him.

God please help me see that you are really there this time. i can't afford to fall or be disappointed again... please... i need time but i need God more now.. really...

help me.

decapitated soul

2008-07-29T18:24:00.000-07:00

i'm tired.

physically and mentally.

decapitated soul yearns for rest

work for the past 2 weeks has been stressful. i can't perform. brain's so dead. feeling down for some reason.

can't find the time and the motivation to work hard. haven't have time to work on my story yet. can't find time to go for other hobbies. need to start planning for my degree too.

Manchester?
Bradford?
Monesh?
RMIT?
UOL?

too many choices to many things.

things not looking good too. when things go bad.. they really do.

"it never rains but pours"

i need to start setting goals in life and move on.

that person is gone.

it'll never happen

miracles?

2008-07-22T08:33:00.000-07:00

today something simple happened.

kenneth called. my ex-cgl and a very very old friend.

can he called minutes after i started thinking about my need for god.

coincidence? divine intervention? i'm not sure. but it was special.
i shouldn't be young and naive like i was and start jumping back into the religion just because of a phone call. but it is something to think about.

i need to get my life back together again.

things back home isn't going very well. i doubt i'll be able to talk to her again. it is just difficult for me to accept her anymore. and just seeing M the other day got me all jittery again. i really need to re-evaluate my life and start planning for my future. even my application for =university seems to be faced with many problems.

sigh~

i sigh too much......

2008-07-22T03:27:00.000-07:00

i want food..

i want my steak dinner!!!

i'm hungry

Batman : The Dark Knight

2008-07-20T00:51:00.000-07:00

An incredible tale with incredible actors

Both Christian bale and Aaron Eckhart's portrayal of Batman and Two-Face was remarkably good. Even though the storyline strayed from the mainstream comic on the background of Two-Face.

But what was most impressive was Heath Ledger's performance as the Joker. Unlike Jack Nicholson's portrayal. Ledger brought out not only The Joker's sadistic lust for pain but his twisted schizophrenia and obsession with pain. It also allowed the character to slowly develop the intricate relationship between Batman and The Joker. He introduced his own depiction of the King Jester in Crime with a characteristic walk, laugh and little anomalies in his movement. Comparing his performance in Brokeback Mountain. Heath Ledger has proven himself to be a versatile and powerful actor that has perfected his art.

And kudos to the screenwriters and Director. Though there were tweaks and digression from the mainstream comic. Giving the film a more realistic edge, they armed the Joker with a simple arsenal of knifes, gunpowder, explosive,oil and a twisted mind. Unlike the usual Joker merchandise of Joker Venom, razor sharp poker cards and acidic flower sprays. This made the film whole lot more realistic and closer. A pleasant surprise from the recent uprising of super-powered heroes with over the edge action scene.

A worthy movie for a Saturday night.

Friends : Can we still trust them?

2008-07-15T20:47:00.000-07:00

Friend (frěnd) n:

1) a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2) a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter

—Synonyms 1. comrade, chum, crony, confidant, acquaintance. 2. backer, advocate. 4. ally, associate, confrere, compatriot.
—Antonyms 1, 4. enemy, foe.

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It has come to my understanding that the meaning of being one's friend has diminished and gotten severely contorted over the years. One's beliefs and views of the word may greatly differ from another.

General consensus of a 'Friend', is one that is accommodating to who you are. One who is emotionally available supportive. One that enjoys the company of another. And on a higher level is also one that is generally concerned of the other parties' well-being. Of course basic qualities like honesty and loyalty are perceived as a given in most friendships. Failure to do so usually results in end of a friendship, is not, at least severely damaged.

But now, those are now fairy tales of the past. The definition of a friend has changed greatly over the years. Though the basic belief and values hasn't changed. But views on the general behavior of people has. One can now no longer depend solely on his friends any longer. Support and concern is a thing of the past. Trust and bonds forged are now deemed worthless when compared to how much one can gain from another.

Too many times have I been shown the cruelness of new age Singaporean. What you see/gives is no longer what you get. Promises and agreements established can easily be thrown out the window like withered flowers.

I've always prided myself as one who is perceived as loyal and emotionally available for all my friends. Since the tender years of my childhood, I've trained myself to be sensitive and attentive to the friends around me. Friends around me can always count on me for a listening ear, comforting shoulder and always ready for a tissue. But am I only around to be the one that lends support. But does this mean that I am cursed at being the one that one can only turn to if he/she has a problem? Have I been deemed the "Soap Opera Guy" (SOG)?The guy that everyone counts on every time they have a dramatic moment. Please do not get me wrong. I love and pride myself at being available and supportive to my friends. And I recognise that it as a important building block for meaningful strong friendships. Only problem is, is that my only role? Have I been stereotyped as the "SOG".

At too many lows of my life have I experienced the sense of lost when I looked at my cellphone only to realise that my phone is overflowing with numbers yet I've no one to call. And sad to say that of the many that I've given emotional support too. Most were too preoccupied as they've 'moved on' from the soap opera phase and its time to look for their "Happy Friend".

And the saddest part is current times no longer allow one to be what he or she really wants to be. One can no longer be free and express themselves truthfully to their friends. Many people walk the streets these days, conformed and squeezed into this little abomination to fit in. And of the few brave hearts that has decided to take the plunge and break free from such restraints? All of a sudden he realises that he has been dumped into end zone, all alone. Deems to suffer having even the nerve to struggle and attempt to break free. Defeated, most would slowly crawl back to their little boxes of conformation and pray that they will be accepted once more. And those are the lucky ones. For the poor souls that have done irrevocable damage, all they can do are to desperately sort out the fellow "rejects".

But this is cruel truth of today's society. One can only learn to adapt. Of all the millions of people here, few has found true friends.

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Deepest apologies as I think I've digressed away from my point severely. My mind is in a whirl now, so thinking clearly is clearly beyond me. lol...

And this post is the result of too much 'sex and the city'... lol

Cakes, Puffs and Boredom

2008-07-13T00:30:00.000-07:00

This week started off as a pretty boring one.

I'm now stuck in the confines of my little messy room with nowhere to go.

Saving money can be a real bitch. Now i even have to plan my schedule according to my spending capabilities. And reduce the amount of weekends i can spend outside. Only now that I've given my finances serious thought that I realised how tough it is and how much I need to control. This is really bad. nearly 12 years of extravagant spending and now I have to reverse the process and re-train my mind. But the human mind is a powerful tool that allows one to re-adapt and evolves. Now I've to learn to entertain myself in the comfort of my little humble abode. Thus, the birth of this unassuming blog.

------------------------------

Anyway yesterday was one of the best Saturday nights i had in a long long time. Had dinner with Josh's family to celebrate the birthday of Auntie Vicky, Uncle Ricky, and Timothy (Josh's younger brother). Anyway dinner was at Jumbo Seafood at NSRCC. The food was pretty good despite the horrendous service. We ended up having to serve ourselves. (Clearing dishes, refilling cups etc). But the best was the durian cake and puff from Goodwood park hotel, courtesy of Auntie Helen. The outrageously creamy cake coupled with the puffs overflowing with durian flesh was absolutely divine. The lingering taste of the sweet pastry leaves you wanting for more. Though it is pretty extravagant but these little pieces of heaven are truly worth every penny.

But the most memorable part was still the company that i spent with. Josh's family has truly been a blessing on my life. They have showered me with all the care and concern that I've never expected of, even from my own mother. And along with Abi and Josh. They are a part of my life that I would never give up for anything. :)

Sad

2008-07-09T19:59:00.000-07:00

going through a series of emails today back at camp showed me just how shallow i am. The time spent in the army was suppose to allow me to recharge, enrich my bank account and prepare myself for the outside world.

Even the short corresponding of emails between my sister and I has showed me how I've deteriorated over the years. Simple sentences are now filled with numerous spelling and grammatical mistakes. Standards of the past are now no longer present in my writing and has became a ghost of my past. True, my linguistic skills surpasses most in my profession. But this is not where I want to remain for the rest of my life. I have a goal. Well maybe 'HAD' would have been a better would to use. Staying in my comfort zone here has clouded my judgment and the zest for life I use to have. Relinquishing the past seems futile now. The damage is done but it is not irrevocable. Goals that I've set should be worked towards. And I must strive to accomplish them.

First things first. I should really start paying attention to my writing. And relying on spell check is not the best way.

:)

40 things You should really consider doing.

2008-07-09T19:54:00.000-07:00

1.. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.

It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Buy a lock if you Have to.

3. Buy a DVD Recorder and tape your late night shows and get more sleep.

4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, 'My purpose is to __________ today.'

5. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.

6. Play more games and read more books than you did in 2007!

7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, tai chi, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.

8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.

9. Dream more while you are awake.

10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

11. Drink green tea and plenty of water.. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.

12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

13. Clear clutters from your house, your car, your desk and let new and flowing energy into your life.

14. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues Of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control.
Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn.
Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out credit charge card.

17. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the energy vampires away.

18. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years,will this matter?'

26. Forgive everyone for everything.

27. What other people think of you is none of your business.

28. GOD heals almost everything.

29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

30. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will Stay in touch.

31. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

32. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

33. The best is yet to come.

34. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

35. Do the right thing!

36. Call your family often. (Or email them to death!!!)

37. Each night! before you go to bed complete the following statements:

I am thankful for __________. Today I accomplished _________.

38. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

39. Enjoy the ride. Remember this is not Disney World and you certainly

don't want a fast pass. You only have one ride through life so make the

most of it and enjoy the ride.

40. Live life.

May your troubles be less, May your blessings be more,
May nothing but happiness come through your door!

In Camp

2008-07-08T19:34:00.000-07:00

Staying is definitely not as fun..
Its not as bad as I thought but still the problems exist..

Friction tends to surface as interaction increases. One must really learn deal with the problems he/she faces..

Looking on the bright side, today's Pay Day yeah!!! And Bonus month... This month's bonus... not tat fantastic but passable... But still.. tonnes of bills to pay.. So can't really afford to spend that much..... Sad...

As for me and P.. its ending I think..... well more or less ended......